| Under Construction |
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| 04:03pm 03/08/2003 |
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Since I got fired this week, I have been evaluating my life and what I plan to do. I have several ideas: [a] Go back to school (well, actually take a photography class.] Since I don't have to many braincells nor the energy to actually study. I always wanted to work with animal, like Vt Assistant. But way to much science and not enough funds to pay for the courses. Which sucks, because I love animals too. I was the girl who was playing with worms, ants, stray cats, dogs, and etc...etc. Then I thought I take a writing course, you know to improve my "so-perfect" writing skills. I always wanted to write a book. Who Knows? [b] Open my website again with the limited funds I have left. Open a shop, with a few things to sell. [c] Auction a few things on ebay or yahoo. Either way I don't want t work full-time anymore. I need to relax & clear my mind. I'll keep you posted on what I decide to do. [d] Dump my boyfriend A.S.A.P. He's only holding me back, annoying, over-possessive [is that one or two words?], and has no goals or ambitious. Fuck he makes miserable.
I took a quiz and here are the results.
Red Queen
Which Resident Evil movie character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla |
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| GUESS WHO GOT FIRED!!! |
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| 10:23pm 30/07/2003 |
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Yes, it is true, I just got fired from my job @ shitty SOAP. And to be honest it was a blessing. I know financially it's going to hurt, but now is where I truly need to get my life on perspective. I went to the bank today and deposit the only cash I have to last me forwhile. But I got a call for a job opening, which happen to have open interviews tomorrow. So lets see how things goes. Either way, I'm happy...YES I'm HAPPY. Less stress from the demons at that place. |
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| Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh!!!! |
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| 09:31pm 24/07/2003 |
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It's 9:31pm and I'm using my sister's computer (sneaking actually,) Because she's grimy. She won't let me use it. But my mommy let me update my journal and she's in her apartment downstair. It's a complicated story and no time to explain it. I just got into a fight with my boyfriend (we lived on the other side of the apartment.) Tonight I think I sleep on my mother's couch. I can't stand arguing. I have a short temper and he pisses me off. He's sick and I'm sick. We both have the same attitude. It's disgusting. Everyone say I can't believe you guys are still together. I wonder why, myself sometimes. I know I love him and he loves me. It's a love/hate relationship and we always say, the only way out is death.
So this week my car broke down (all I can do is laugh.) Because crying is no longer in my system. So now I take the bus to work, which eliminates car insurance (more ching-ching for me.) Ok not really. :/ I don't know. Life sucks and all that jazz. |
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| It's Been Awhile |
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| 10:41pm 22/07/2003 |
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Well it's been a long time since I've updated, but I moved and lost my domain. I plan on bringing it back soon. As soon as I get out of some rough situation. I live with my boyfriend, he's a pain in my ass. My MOMMY CAME BACK!!!!! From PR, so I'm very happy. Just as soon as she connects her internet, I'll bring my website back. I'm so poor I can't even afford internet, lol!
Oh well, that's life. I'll keep posting here on LJ.
Miss you girlys! |
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| 06:54pm 27/05/2003 |
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I miss my computer. I hate coming to the library to check my mail and update this journal. I miss my website. I had an interview for a new job today. I really hope I get it, because these old hags at my current jobs stinks. Plus the guy at the check out desk is annoying. |
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| Where Have I've Been |
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| 02:37pm 17/05/2003 |
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It's been awhile since I've updated this journal, but I am still alive and deleted my hosting package, so no more vizhen.com. I do plan on getting my website back, but money is tight right now. I'm looking at different hosting package too, so if you know any good deals, email me. I also need to get a modem for my computer. Which is why I haven't been online in awhile. Right now I'm at the publick library, with 30 minutes left before the lady kicks me off. So on that note, I'm about to leave. Later!
Miss you Sasha, Vicky, and Venita! |
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| New layout/personal site |
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| 01:48pm 03/11/2002 |
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Well, I thought it was time to bring my personal site back [http://vizhen.com/personal]. Considering the fact, that I have no motivation to work on my portfolio site. I know I have the potential to do so. But I'm lazy. and care to much about other things. I need to get my life on track. But I keep getting caught up in bad situations, that prevent me from doing what I need to do.
My father left to PR AGAIN. He was supposed to come over to help me, but you think he did. Negative. I'm here struggling. I can't stand it. I'm 22 years old and sill don't got my life together. What's wrong with me. |
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| 02:41pm 27/10/2002 |
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It's been awhile since I wrote in this journal. I don't even know if people still look me up & read what's going on in my life. Things are way different I have a new attitude. For the better. Danny & I are still friends.
But this past week, I let a good man, that I can see myself with go. I didn't try to change his mind, or tell him that I needed him to stay. I look back and there he was staring @ me and I just kept driving. Because there was nothing I can say to make him stay.
Izzy I miss you so much baby. I need to feel your arms around me and your lips pressed against mines. You will never be forgotten. |
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| I feel terrible |
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| 12:40am 23/09/2002 |
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mood:  sad music: Eric Clapton: Would you know my name, If I saw you in Heaven
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It's the time of the month and I'm feeling real shitty. It couldn't come at the worst time. I'm dealing with some major drama with my family, work, and basicaly my life.
Today my poor dog got hit by a car. She didn't make it. Dayumn you animal drivers out there. People think that my street is a highway. There are so many children around here and still people fly down the street, on some Fast & The Furious type of shit. She was so heavy to pick up. I feel terrible, because I didn't feel like chasing her. I left her outside. Not the dog below, she was my mom's dog, Josephine aka Mo-Jo.
RIP Josie, I know your playing in Heaven with Tio.
The worst part too, my Uncle Fernando [who die this month.] Gave her to my parents.
I feel so terrible, you don't understand.
My sister's cheesy husband was talking shit, hypocritical asshole he is. He didn't even bother to come tell me she got it. I foun out by myself, when I went outside. He left her by my gate.
God do I need to move out of this house. And when I do, they are all fucked. Because they can't even pay their rent.
Eviction Notice very soon. But I'll be in my own little place. Comfortable...
Am I ever going to have a good weekend. :X
I need to go to bed. I have to get up early. |
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| Hectic Sunday: |
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| 06:00pm 15/09/2002 |
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mood: heated music: Fat Joe: Get off my dick [clit: for the ladies]
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This Sunday is so hectic. I had to do so many things. I got home today @ 3:00 in the morning. I was hanging with my friend Nancy, her brother, and his friends. Last night was a fight between two people I could care less for. I just wanted to chill. We bullshit for awhile @ his friend's house. He was cute, but Nancy was feeling him. So I backed off. Not like I could of anyways, if she wasn't feeling him. Because her brother got some serious issues with understanding, that- "I DON'T LIKE YOU."
Every where we go he always sits next to me or stands by me and people think we're together. It's not like that. I don't look at you in that way. So-"PLEASE STOP!"
I'm so freaking fed up with his shit. If we go clubbing. He ALWAYS wants to dance with me. I'm like, "Ok fine I'll dance with you." But not the whole fucking night.
No one even asks me to dance, because he always on my tits. I'm so angry typing this shit write now. Because I don't want to be with him.
Just last night, before we even went to his friend's house. I wanted to go home and change. You know to make an impression. I had on some scrubby jeans. So I wanted to put my new jeans I got.
He like, "You look fine."
Me: "No, I don't. I want to change."
He: "No, I'm not going to take you to your house. He's already waiting for me."
Mean while his sister getting jigged up in her bathroom and I'm like wtf, I'm going to look like a scrub and shit.
I was so upset. He keep saying: "Hurry up! Hurry up!" I'm like, wtf chill already. He said that when he gets back from the store if we're not ready, he's leaving without us. We just
gave him a look. I wanted to tell him to calm the fuck down. I swear people, I wanted to slap this fucking kid. He's such a cock-blocker and I'm sick of it.
Finally when we get near his friends house, he like; "What's wrong?" I'm like: "Nothing...forget it." I get so mad and all I wanted to do was change my fucking pants.
So he finally was like, ok Nancy drop me off and she can go change.
I'm like your such a fucking dickhead. If you ever...EVER think I will date your ass, keep dreaming. Your not my type, never will you be my type. So get off my clit.
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| Back To Target |
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| 09:59am 14/09/2002 |
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mood:  happy music: Usher: "You got it bad..."
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Well today I go in for orientation @ Target. A place I said I will never go back to. But money is tight and lord knows I need a lot of it right now. I about to get my period so I'm moody. I'm getting some severe cramps and a fever. I'm like; "Will you hurry up and come already, wtf." It was supposed to
here on Friday. But I'm not worry, because trust me...I FEEL THE PMS CRAMPS. Plus my boobies are swollen. It's like I went from a DOUBLE D to a freaking "H." My house is disgusting. I need to do some heavy duty cleaning. I live with
my brothers and all they do is drink. Their beer bottles everywhere. Plus my Mom's dog has this bad
habit of getting in the trash. I swear I need to start evicting people. Starting with my Mom's dog.
Photo Journal:
That's Chelsea and Kane. [Danny gave him to me our first Valentine's
Day]
He's what you can call my security blanket. I sleep with him every night.
I couldn't stuff him in a bag. I had him for 3 years.
Night Night.....[How Cute!]
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| 09.12.2002 |
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| 08:51pm 12/09/2002 |
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mood:  content music: Cameron: "Hey Ma"
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How I love that it is now the 12th. Yesterday drag and was so gloomy. I wanted to go home so bad from work. But on other notes. I'm happy. Or at least content. I'm getting these kick ass sneakers. Plus Monster Inc comes out on the 17th. I can't wait. Plus Danny is buying them both for me. :O) I love him so much. But day by day I'm getting through it. I even try talking to new guys. But no one can replace him. Even though we went through hell back. I will always love him. Some guys don't understand why I still chill with him. They are always like; "Fuck him Becca." It's not easy to forget your true/first love.
I'm getting the pink ones. :O) |
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| ....after life |
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| 07:01pm 09/09/2002 |
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You no longer have to hurt or be in pain.
You'll be in a better place.
You will watch your children from above.
Close your eyes and rest.
My uncle die. I wasn't really close to him. But he was a nice person. He never treated me bad or gossip about me, like the rest of my father's family. He had a very rare disease. I know my father is hurting, because they were really close. Or how his children are feeling. He lives in Philly. So I know now that my father is coming over to the states. My parents moved to Puerto Rico. They are struggling so bad, it pitiful. I hate money so bad. You're probably thinking; "How can you hate money?" Easy...it's like heroine and without it gives you the shakes. Makes you worry and stresses all factors in life.
Rest in peace Tio Fernando. Que dios de bendija. |
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| Drained... |
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| 11:22am 08/09/2002 |
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mood:  drained music: Cameron : "oh.. boy"
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I wasn't home all this weekend. I slept over my friend's house Friday & Saturday. We did nothing, but drink & chill. I'm not a big "beer" drinker. I love hard liquor. Missouri & Whiskey Sour. Are my two favorite drinks. I just found out officially that my friend's brother likes me. But I don't look at him that way. I see him as a big brother. And he got all upset, because I guess all chicks he used to mess with used, "we're just friends." But I see him like family. So I played air head and let all the comments from his sister, cousin, and even mom dukes pass by. Like I didn't get it. I can't do it to myself and pretend like I like him that way. I will break his heart. I'm over Danny...YES. But still I'm not in a mood or in the ready state in mind, to start a relationship with anyone. I want to let things flow. If shit happens with the new guy I'm talking too. Then it happens. But for now all I want from a guy is a good friendship and let nature flow.
I need to do my laundry and food shopping. I'm on some serious limited budget. :X It sucks, but that's a part of life. I need to get my car inspected, but before I do that. I need to get 4 tires and a mirror for my passenger side. WTF! or my new word I say to replace the "fuck" word- Freakiti- Frick. I'm trying to cut down on cursing.
Till my next post... be safe everyone. [If anyone read this madness.] |
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| Starting Over... |
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| 07:53pm 06/09/2002 |
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mood: calm music: Incubus: Good Bye! - nice to know you...
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It's time for a new change for the fall 2002. So I decided why not get a new username to fit the color theme of my current layout @ vizhen.com. I know I haven't been updating lately. I've been busy working & figuring what I want in life. Also recovering from my hard break up with Danny. I didn't think it will take this long. But now I know there is life without him.
I can't cook. It so sad. I boiled water and rice and then went into my room to set up this account. Within minutes I smelled something burning. The water has evaporated and my rice has turned brown. How sad. I need a man who can cook for me. You know it's funny too, guys that I know will always say; "I need me a Spanish woman who can cook." I start to laugh and then I let them know, "You got the wrong Senorita, because I can't cook for shit." All I can make is a mean "ham & cheese omelets" & macaroni's & cheese. Care to come over for dinner.
I'm going out to the movies with a couple of friends. We're going to watch "The Barber Shop." I'll feel kind of left in away, because I know my friend's boyfriend and brother are going. You know 2 guys & two girls. But I'm not feeling her brother. He's the type of guy you married and know would be there for you. But I look at him like a brother figure. He's not my type.
Talking about guys, let me tell you about my two recent dates. One laughed at his own jokes. "You are not funny, so stop trying." Another was not what he seem. You may have a body, but if nothing registering in your head. You just wasted metal.
I need to chill and let guys come to me. Any takers.
Here the requirements. [I try not to be picky.]
[+] First, you have to be established & focus. [Know what you want in life & why your here.]
[+] Two, have a JOB [No I don't need your money, but please don't tell me you do nothing all day and can't find a job, because the "Corporate White Man" won't let you in. Tired of those excuses.
[+] Three, A car please. Not to be my chauffer, but to make it a equal thing. I don't mean you need to have some "Sha-Sha Mobile." I'll take a fellas in hoopti with a cute smile.
[+] Four, Dress nice & smell good. Not pretty-boy prep like. All I need is a fella with clean clothes and some nice cologne. Trust me a guy who smells good, get all my attention.
[+] Five, NO THUGS NEED APPLY. I'm not all for the gang related issues.
[+] Six, Please no "Baby Momma Drama."
[+] Seven, Love me for me and I will do the same back.
Seven, because I can't think of anything else. But also because they shouldn't be hard to apply the very few good men out there. |
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vizhen's journal
